My gripe with the "Man Cave"

It's not so much a complaint about the style of room as it is over the name itself, which I think is a bit sexist. I know some "PC-lite" guys out there are groaning, but stick with me - it's not heading where you think it is.

Let me give you a little background. Several years back - right after we moved into our house and before our son was born - we began to work on our second guest bedroom, which had little more than a desk, computer and a bookshelf. I envisioned a traditional study, and my wife allowed me full decorative control (except for picture hanging, since she turns that into a science). I hung the African spears my aunt and uncle gave me, put up my toy soldiers in nice display cases and filled the bookshelf. Whenever people called and asked us how the house was coming along, Kristy would mention that I had finished my "man room" (this was a good two years before the term "man cave" would enter the slang lexicon). This statement perplexed me. First, it was implying that the room was mine, and that she (or any female) was not welcome - something I never intended. And most importantly, it seemed to state that the trappings were of no interest to the "fairer" sex. Yet Kristy liked the spears as much as I did, used the computer daily, and it wasn't as it the bookshelf was crammed full of Playboys - so why the nickname?

I realize that I'm rambling, so I'll get to the point - In my opinion, the term "Man Cave" was created by women and is used almost exclusively by them (think about it - have you ever heard a man actually describe his room that way?). And from what I've seen, they're selling themselves short.

Let's flash forward to last summer. We were having a garage sale at out place, getting brisk business and getting rid of a lot of stuff. My son had come along by then and the "man room" had been changed into a "little man room". I had moved the desk out into the garage and decorated the walls with movie posters, record albums, and other beloved things (except for the toy soldiers, which took up positions on the hallway walls). At one point during the sale a lady glanced into the garage and stated that she though it was important for men to have a man cave. Once again I was perplexed - why did she think the stuff was mine? Couldn't my wife like the Stones? She doesn't, sadly, but she could (more on that later). Wasn't it possible the fishing rods were hers? They are not, but my sister-in-law has just as many as I do - and has more luck with them. Did she enjoy The Departed? Yes, as did her girlfriend who commented on my poster that morning.

What it boils down to is this: by using the term, it seems like women are stating there are still things out there (like sports and history) that they're just not into, and this is just ridiculous. Come on ladies, how about we use the term "den" instead?